I should've cancelled it.

I’d just had major surgery 3 weeks prior, and I still had to host the Black Girl Book Fair in Harlem the next day. This was the year the Black Girl Book Fair was all weekend — Saturday in Brooklyn and Sunday in Harlem for both February and March. We weren't even doing press-ons and portraits then!

As you can see, I had no time for bed rest. It was our first time hosting the BGBF in Brooklyn and my first book signing. There were a lot of people coming to Brooklyn to get BLKGRL signed instead of going to Harlem for Tia Williams new book, A Love Song For Ricki Wilde. I have to say, I wasn't expecting that, but it taught me a thing or two about imposter syndrome: BLKGRL is someone's favorite book too, and I wrote it. 

But still, I should've cancelled it that year because just 3 weeks before, I’d gotten a 9-pound fibroid removed. My grandmother said it weighed more than my mother and her twin when they were born. I had been in pain for a year straight, my “high tolerance” for it causing me to suffer in silence. That was until the pain was so bad that it woke me out of my sleep one night. My man (then) dressed me then drove me to the emergency room. They took every type of test and scan, and I sent the information to my doctor to schedule surgery. 

After the procedure, I still worked from bed. I only had 1 volunteer at the time so I still had a lot on my plate. I sent contracts, created graphics and ads, scheduled newsletters, approved vendors, ordered workshop materials, etc. After all, EbonyJanice, author of All the Black Girls Are Activists, was flying in to do her book signing and Q&A for part 1 of the Black Girl Book Fair in Brooklyn. I didn't want to inconvenience her by cancelling last minute.

When I told her this the day of the event, she lovingly scolded me. “Would you even want to work with someone who would’ve had an issue with you cancelling because of surgery?!”

No, but I’d never thought about it that way. I was used to holding things together — for myself and others. My high tolerance for pain, both physical and emotional, made it easy for me to minimize my own needs. I've unlearned this since my conversation with EbonyJanice.

Everyone helped me the day of the event. Between my man (then), vendors, attendees, and a volunteer, I didn't have to lift a finger. The community I’d built over the years showed up for me in the same way I'd been showing up for them. Maybe a part of me assumed they wouldn't, but Brooklyn, February 2024 taught me a thing or two about community: part of being a member is letting it take care of you, too. 

That’s why the BGBF tour exists. It's where we all check in with the Black girls who were probably never taught self-care but is into breaking cycles. It’s where we check in with ourselves and our homegirls.

See you at a pink stop this year!

Here are some resources: 

• Join our Early Bird Waitlist for our 3rd annual Black Girl Book Fair! Click here to learn more about the event. 
• Get a copy of BLKGRL by Candice McCoy! Click here to get yours. 
• Get a Canvas and Paint Self Care Activity! Click here to get yours.