I’m not sure when I became so anxious. All of a sudden, everything mattered. Every detail was accounted for. Every mistake was magnified. But I'm not sure when it happened. And, I have to say, it's made me a little crazy. 

What does life become when every step is thoughtfully and thoroughly calculated, examined, analyzed, and considered? What does life become when you leave no room for the unknown? What happens when mystery scares you instead of inspires you? What happens when security becomes a box too small for you? What happens when everything feels too risky to be realistic?

It makes you a little crazy. 

If you follow my very private Insta, then you saw me falling in love with something new. I bought overalls, an easel, canvas and oil pastels. Even the overachiever in me doesn't know how to half ass a hobby — the overalls were important! But the reason I’ve started painting is because I wanted to do something that didn't come with pressure. I wanted to do something that didn't require a performance, perfection, or even other people. I wanted to do something that didn't make me overthink until I got the “right” answers, or any answers at all. 

But, as expected, I almost stopped after my first painting because it didn't come out the way I wanted it to. Turns out, I just had to keep painting. Imagine being so hard on yourself that you aren't allowed to be bad at things you've never even tried before. Imagine judging yourself that harshly, judging your right to be human. Being your biggest critic is the meanest thing you can be to yourself, and it creates the very pressure that you're trying to avoid.

I’m not saying that I am the reason I always feel anxious. I'm not even saying that my feelings of anxiety aren't valid. What I am saying, however, is that I will always have the option to prioritize my well-being when I am feeling anxious. 

So, as you can see, having hobbies I’m bad at is therapy for me. They keep me sane and out of my head. I learn new ways to love myself, new creative skills, new lessons in love and life, new ways to relax my mind and, most importantly, new ways to laugh at myself. 

Here are some resources: 

• Join our Early Bird Waitlist for our 3rd annual Black Girl Book Fair! Click here to learn more about the event. 
• Get a copy of BLKGRL by Candice McCoy! Click here to get yours. 
• Get a Canvas and Paint Self Care Activity! Click here to get yours.
• Get a Self-Care Bookish Box! Click here to get yours.